GALILEO - revision
(Space.com: The veteran spacecraft has been on the job probing giant Jupiter and its brood of moons since December 1995. Experts comment that Galileo should have dropped a long time ago.)Good Galileo,...
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"Take your divewith joviality. Send your reportand know your job's well done since '95." jovial: 1 [J-] JOVIAN 2 full of hearty, playful good humor; genial and gay: from the astrological notion that...
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The idea of an elegy to a bit of space junk is very good indeed. However, this is almost there but not quite, thanks to some clearly rhyme-driven word choices and funny syntax:...
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Space.com: The veteran spacecraft has been on the job probing giant Jupiter and its brood of moons since December 1995. Experts comment that Galileo should have dropped years ago.Good Galileo,...
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Hi Jerry,Perhaps you could have another look at line 12's meter.I'm a bit hesitant re "pry":"a person who is improperly inquisitive".In my honest / humble opinion (as always) is the final couplet...
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Hi Jerry,Great subject matter--different! I do see an improvement in the second version.Here are my nits, for the 2 cents they are worth:L5: Is "us" needed? IMHO it's a little awkward. Maybe you could...
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Hello again, Jerry - my name is Clive, not Tom, by the way. I'm very taken with your elegy for space junk thing, as you know from my previous post, so I'm chuffed to little mintballs that you are...
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Hi Dutch, Rose and Clive:Many thanks for your further comments and suggestions concerning my attempts with Galileo. It seems that the points you make suggest even further considerations that I place...
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Hi Jerry,As to registering: Well, in that case you could add a little something to your name or alter it somehow. As for me: I wanted to register with "Crispin" only -- and was, thankfully, obliged to...
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Hi again Jerry,I just have time for one quick comment. I didn't notice this before, but I read L1 as follows: GOOD gal i LE o, good BYE take your DIVEwhich, if I've got my terms right, is some kind of...
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Hi Jerry,I enjoyed the subject and I think your revision's a big improvement. L1, 5 and 14 could scan better, but you might not want them to. I suffered a bit of article deprivation discomfort in L8...
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Hello again, Jerry. Yes, the revision makes some things clearer, but it also throws up new problems. Part of me thinks maybe you have reached a sort of impasse here, and that it's time to put this one...
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Hi Rose,I appeciate your analysis of L1. I suppose some ways fall more naturally to the ear than others, depending on the context, and the one speaking. The one I've chosen is:good GAL i LE o GOOD bye...
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Hi Mary,Thank you for your kind words.L5, L14; I think you have a point. L8, L9, are certainly packed. However, I must admit that I intended them that way.Regards,Jerry
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Hi Clive,Once again, your offering of most incisive comments."Shape of drama" - the one way adventure, not necessarily linear, but doesn't reach back and attach to a proof of origin. Certainly not of...
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